THE DAY KALONZO SOLD HIS PRESIDENCY DREAM FOR 30 POUNDS OF SILVER

21st of November 2005 remains arguably the day Kalonzo Musyoka experienced a peak in his career. Despite Retired President Mwai Kibaki and top government officials using billions to campaign for a Yes for the proposed constitution, the No side led by Raila Omollo Odinga and Stephen Kalonzo Musyoka won resoundingly with 58% of the total cast votes.

The Son of Tseikuru smiled, he looked at the barren fields of Mwingi and smelled rain. He looked at the pot holed roads leading to his hometown and promised himself that soon all will change. Proudly he admired his feet. The feet that had walked miles barefoot everyday to school. In two years those same feet would step on the highest office in the land. Friends and enemies alike would greet him ‘Mr President’.

The honeymoon that started on that historical day lasted approximately three months. Kenya was a child who was getting out of the shackles of authoritarianism. The media was a free bird under President Mwai Kibaki. The nation was hungry for something new and the media did not dissapoint. We were fed the smiling peace loving politician with smart hair from Tseikuru. Starved since independence we gobbled him hungrily. At one time Kalonzo led the polls with a whopping 67% approval rate. Kambas were going to have their son at state house. Songs were sung and libations poured. We poisoned the man.

The ratings got into his head and using a gun handed to him by Daniel Maanzo the current Member of Parliament for Makueni Constituency he shot himself in the foot. The first short though confining him permanently to a political wheelchair did not kill our beloved. Between that first shot and the final shot on 9th November 2018, Kalonzo had shot himself five times. The final fatal shot was done in exchange of a pot of silver. Challyh News compiles the five shooting incidences.

After the referendum there was a political purge. Kalonzo found himself in opposition for the first time in history (The few months he spent in the cold waiting for 2022 elections are too few to count). Raila the enigma in Kenyan politics was now leading the opposition bandwagon while Uhuru Kenyatta would join Kibaki in government. Raila was willing to support Kalonzo’s dream. They were a team of brothers; Raila, Kalonzo, Ruto, Balala, Mudavadi and Kosgei. They all agreed one of them would be the presidential flagbearer of the newly formed ODM Kenya. Kalonzo readily agreed because the polls were favouring him. He was the darling of the nation.

In the coming days changes would happen. Raila with his charisma was influential in calling for accountability in the government. He was visibily fighting for the common folk. We started falling in love with him. We started cheating on Kalonzo, we openly flirted with Raila. One crush went further and bought Raila a Hummer. We started affectionately calling him Tinga till the day he officially adopted us and we called him Baba. Kalonzo was jealous. He was heartbroken, he started behaving like a jilted lover. Together with Dan Maanzo they stole the ODM Kenya Certificate at the dead of the night. He had shot himself in the foot. The first of many.

Raila was not fazed. He had fought bigger battles. He was the Kenyan Mandela. He was the longest serving political prisoner at Nyayo torture chambers. Kalonzo running away with a certificate could not make him lose sleep. He started building a movement anchored by what he called The Pentagon. He sent the whole country in a frenzy. Our Tinga had become Baba and he was heralding an era of change in the country. Kalonzo failed to read the country’s mood. He forced Julia Ojiambo to push him in his political wheelchair to ECK (Electoral Commission of Kenya) where he gave out his papers. He wanted to vie for the presidency. People were confused why a man would choose to shoot himself twice in such a short time.

The 2007 elections brought a scar to the country. We buried our fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters because of post election violence. Children became orphans and fathers buried their sons. When the nation was weeping and trying to make a sense out of everything Kalonzo surprised the world by shooting himself the third time. He accepted to be the Vice President to Mwai Kibaki. He was christened Watermelon a tag that would forever taint his political endeavors.

Kalonzo worked hard to redeem himself. For a man in a political wheelchair he did remarkable. Two times he deputised Raila Odinga as they gave a shot at presidency. They fell short both times. That’s when Raila said enough is enough. He decided to swear himself as the People’s President and it was expected his deputy would become the deputy people’s president. Kalonzo was nowhere to be seen on the day of swearing in. He never even came as a spectator. It’s unclear if he was played that day but the lack of an explanation in the coming days meant Kalonzo had shot himself the fourth time. This time at the chest. He was desperate to end his political career through a bullet.

On 9th of November 2018 Kalonzo succeeded in killing his dream of being the president of this nation. The fifth shot proved fatal and the most humiliating. He begged President Uhuru Kenyatta for a few coins of silver so he could sign out. He was desperate to check out, he didn’t even ask for gold. President Uhuru Kenyatta smiled and told him he would take him to South Sudan to head peace talks. In front of million viewers he addressed the nation, ‘Mimi ni mtu ya mkono ya Uhuru’ then he shot himself.